does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
