i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
