Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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