If that was your dad, he is hot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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