she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize