Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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