Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
