Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize