chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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