forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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