I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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