my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
