be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
