Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
