Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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