i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
nutella sex= disaster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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