So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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