at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
