I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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