i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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