yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize