I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
