Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
