FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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