Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The uberlube is also flammable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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