I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
