I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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