dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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