So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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