He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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