He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
