just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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