Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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