I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
