dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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