Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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