So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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