My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
