you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
