There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
