so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
