i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
