After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
whose parrot is this?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
