I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
