My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
