they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
