i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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