the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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