Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
