do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
