She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
