some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
