I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
