Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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