My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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