she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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