tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
