i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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