Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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