I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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