Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
