I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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