Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My vagina is officially offended.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
