Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
