I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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