how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
