Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
