i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
