I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
