I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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